"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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