Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
