Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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