The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
