Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
