So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How does it feel to date your dad?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
