sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
