The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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