just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
