i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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