What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
