is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
