What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
