this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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