yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
