Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I did not marry a roomba.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
