I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
