Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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