somebody snuck up and got me drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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