I wannas sexs uuuuu
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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