Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
