I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
