i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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