My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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