everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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