apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
