My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
