i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
