I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
