***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
