Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
