Are we in a gay sports bar?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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