weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
