There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
