covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
