I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
