dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
