2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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