I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
