Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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