wakey wakey hands off snakey
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
