that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nutella sex= disaster
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
