I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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