I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can't special order awesome
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize