i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
