threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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