my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hippo gnu deer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
