He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
