would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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