Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
