woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
