masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
