So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
