I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
