is your mom at the bar?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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