Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
