Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
