We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
