Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
