Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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