That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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