Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
