dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
