apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
