the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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