Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
