my mouth tastes like poor choices
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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