My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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