my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
