It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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