So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
