is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
