The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
