if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
