I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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