your parents love me but you hate me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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