this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
