she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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