I can text with my tongue
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
