Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
