I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's blow job season.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
