my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
