You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
