I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize