At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
