woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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