I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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