We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i used baking grease as lip gloss
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
