Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
