mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My feet surprised me
Randomize
