I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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