u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize