my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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