Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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