It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
