i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
