this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
