Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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