Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
