I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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