So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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