the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
