Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
