Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
