The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
