My liver just broke up with me...
Its about making memories worth repressing
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Randomize
