There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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