why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
